Bunnies can be house trained – An expensive lie

Yeah, it’s not often I do this but here’s something I promised weeks ago:

So after some years of arguing, me saying “Are you having a laugh? etc” & her saying “Wah, the kids need pets. sob, moan” the wife, without permission, goes out and buys 2 rrrabbits. (+ cage+food+toys+fencing+ so-on & on) $$$$$$$$.

Sigh, why do I bother?

My objection has always been about keeping these things locked down all day every day when they should be out in the fields digging or eating or that other thing they do.

Unfortunately the good lady sales rep convinces the easily convinced wife that these critters can be house trained & need almost no looking after at all- so home she comes with 2 bunnies.

They were 11 weeks old, palm sized & one was male the other female. – I’ll get to that rather obvious mistake in a moment but first I have to say, despite my reservations these 2 rrrabbits were using the litter tray in the corner of the front room by lunchtime on the 2nd day.

Impressive, no?

So its not a lie that these animals can be house trained. Hmmmm…

Ive been house trained myself. It took me a while longer than day 2 but I got there in the end. Once I’d been declared fully house trained though there were certain other things that I didn’t do relating to acceptable behaviour  inside a house.

For example:

At no point did I run from my mother to the back of the computor or the television & deliberately & maliciously chew all the plugs off the wires I found back there.

Thus far one of those rrrabbits has destroyed the cables to:

• 2 Wii chargers
• 1 Telephone cable
• 1 Computor mouse
• 1 Laptop mouse
• 2 DS chargers
• 2 Headphone sets
• 1 Amplifier
• 1 Set of Speakers
• 1 Router
• 1 Telephone extension

It has also chewed the edges of 2 settees.

For those crimes I would have been back in nappies & declared “Not House Trained”  in double quick time Im sure.

So I kicked the offending rrrabbit out. Get out. Straight back to the garden. Where he chewed his way through 4 gazeebo tethers, 1 herb garden, 2 tubs of tulips, 1 inflatable dinghy, a lilo & popped 1 football before escaping over the fence & into the pub beer garden at the back – Breaking the hearts of my 2 children who’s new bunny was lost forever.

Sadly it wasn’t lost for ever. My steaming mad wife, blaming me for everything obviously, threatened me into finding the hungry little muncher & bringing him back. – What a joke.

As a result of the sales girl enlightening my wife that male & female rrrabbits co-habited better than any other gender combination we now have a potential baby machine on our hands.

No problem at 11 weeks old I wouldn’t have thought, & the vet confirmed we have until “about 20 weeks” to sort the job.

These things have doubled in size every day since we got them so it wasn’t too much of a surprise when we noticed they had matured further a little earlier than 20 weeks.

Now, the wife has spoken to the vet & she nonchalantly claims “Yeah, no problem. You’re better off getting the female done. We can get her in, whip her uterus out & she’ll be friendlier & much more manageable as a result”

Wow. Sounds idyllic.

So Im currently looking for a quote to get the wife done if anybody knows anyone..?

The vet continues.. “Yeah, we can fit her in a week next Tuesday”

A week next when !?##? – I could’ve drowned 2 litters by then!!!!

As this disaster has thrown itself off another cliff we now have to separate the bunnies.

Lady bunny (who is the epitome of foul moods) has been re-located to an indoor hutch ($$$$$$$), the size of which you could hold your own mini world cup in(+$$$$$$$$)

Readers, Ive mislead you. the female rrrabbit has an indoor hutch & it is very large but she is not in it. She has instead squatted the front room & since no-one can catch her it is unlikely she’ll be keeping her appointment at the vets.

Also the wife is keeping the cost involved very close to her chest. How devious these females can be.

Now, if you will excuse me I have a trap to set..

And not a single stew line was there.

Possibly there’ll be a part 2 to this. Possibly there wont.

NEXT WEEK:

Marriage & The Art of War

“He will win who knows when to fight & when not to fight” – Sun Tzu on tactical dispositions

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